The third funniest thing I heard yesterday was that Richard Gasquet, the tennis pro suspended for testing positive for cocaine, decided to use the kissing defense. He claims that he was out partying one night when he kissed a random girl who had just happened to have recently snorted cocaine. Remnants of that cocaine were, he claims, still on her lips, so it was transferred to him when he went for the lip-lock. The next day he was drug tested and that’s why he says that test was positive. That sounds like the kind of theory that only a coke addict could come up with.

The second funniest thing I heard yesterday was that the powers that be bought the kissing defense. They said that Gasquet’s claim seemed reasonable, and that he had done enough time for the amount of cocaine that was in his system, so he is free to return to action. Bizarre.

By far the funniest thing I heard yesterday was the latest chapter in the Jeremy Mayfield saga. It just keeps getting better and better. If you haven’t kept up so far, here’s a brief recap: Mayfield is a NASCAR driver who was suspended after testing positive for meth. A driver going 200+ mph while amped on meth seems like a terrible idea. Mayfield proclaimed his innocence, and appealed the suspension. He hired an expert to testify on his behalf. Just one problem – the expert wasn’t who he claimed he was. He wasn’t a doctor, and he had none of the accreditation he claimed to have. Oops. Despite that, Mayfield somehow managed to get himself reinstated. He couldn’t find a sponsor who wanted to touch him, of course, so he hasn’t driven in a race yet. He knew he had to salvage his reputation, so now it has come out that he did the best thing he could possibly do – he went out and did meth. Mayfield again tested positive on July 6. This guy is hilarious. Sadly, this positive test could be the end of his career. That would be sad – he’s way too entertaining to go away. This is way more fun to follow than all the stupid baseball drug stories. This is self destruction on an epic scale. Of course, Mayfield insists that he is innocent, and that NASCAR is out to get him. One person coming to his defense is his stepmother. Or not. She has provided a sworn affidavit saying that she has seen Mayfield do meth multiple times starting as far back as 1998. She says that she has even seen him make the stuff. Needless to say, Mayfield says that she is out to get him, too. Awesome stuff.